Avi K's Blog

Brit Talk

2007-12-07T10:44:00.000-05:00

Today at food research, I'm calling doctors all over England. Things sure are different there. Phone numbers are quite long, and their addresses are confusing and frightening.

In other news, I was set to music direct a reading of a new musical at NYU. However, the musical was cancelled and the composer is moving back to Korea. I just can't get a break.

Where am I?

2007-11-18T13:50:00.000-05:00

Where have I been, you ask. I'm posting on a brand new reality TV blog, http://blogtvhunter.blogspot.com/ Check it out. You won't regret it.

Marathon Madness

2007-11-12T11:14:00.000-05:00

I went to the NYC marathon last week. No, not as a runner, but as a spectator. I actually had a good time, even though I can hardly think of anything less pleasant than running the marathon. At least no one died on Marathon day, that only happened the day before.

One of the reasons that I would never ever attempt to run the marathon, in addition the obvious reasons, is that when someone starts walking, everyone on the side starts cheering for them to start running again. That would probably drive me insane.

Some runners would put there names on their clothes so that the spectators would cheer for them all along the way. A woman beside me was cheering for everyone, and if someone didn't have their name on their outfit, she'd identify them by their clothes. "Go woman with the blue shorts and a red top!!!" The runners started getting annoyed. It seems that really everything about the race is unpleasant.

Jamaican me uncomfortable: Part deux

2007-11-02T18:02:00.000-04:00

When I have a voicemail that I don't want to listen to, all subsequent voicemails get backed up while I avoid listening to my messages.

Last night, I had Beta listen to the Jamaican's message, since things were getting out of hand. She said that introduced him self as [name], from New York, which was funny. He had seen my number in his phone, and was thinking about me. The whole thing was very sad. Unfortunately for him, I'm not going to be responding. If I get another call in eleven months, I'll be okay with that.

Predictions for the day

2007-10-31T09:52:00.000-04:00

On my way to food research this morning, I picked up the AM New York, as I do every day I'm up early. There's no better way to begin my day than with updates about the Yankees and people who've died in outer boroughs. Anyway, today's horoscope seemed strange to me.

Words said in anger can cut like a knife, but sometimes they also reveal
stuff the speaker's holding back. This skill will serve you well.

What skill is that? Being able to say hurtful things? This day is not looking good for me. Incidentally, my day was rated an 8 on the ten-point scale on difficulty. Things are really looking bad.

Jamaican me uncomfortable

2007-10-30T22:30:00.000-04:00

Earlier tonight I got an unexpected phone call. I told three people that they would never guess who called. Beta got it on the second guess, and Craitzy and Dickmutt guessed it immediately. If you're reading this, I imagine you've also already figured it out, since it's apparently quite obvious. It was the Jamaican, of course.

A bit of background: we went on a few dates in the spring of 2006, and haven't communicated since November of 2006.

At 6:25 I noticed a missed call from him, but I think it was a one-ring hangup. I assumed that he accidentally called me and hung up upon realizing what happened. Surprising, but not too horrible. Six minutes later, I received another call, this time leading to a voice mail. I still haven't listened to it; I get anxious about that kind of stuff. I'll probably make someone I know listen to it for me and relay the information. Any volunteers?

Why would he call me after all this time? Am I that irresistible?

Cripod

2007-10-23T18:58:00.000-04:00

I got a lot of cast recordings this summer at camp/my coma, and am slowly making my way through them. If I can listen to them all, I'll feel a true sense of gay accomplishment.

Anyway, today, I was listening to a really gay show. It's all about AIDS. However, one of the songs made me cry. Isn't that crazy? I was sitting on the train, minding my own business, and crying. To a song from an AIDS-related musical. I won't have to have sex for months now, since my afternoon was so gay today.

The Return

2007-10-19T13:11:00.000-04:00

I'm back at Food Research. I'm screening calls for a non-urgent study so that the normal recruiters can focus on more important things. I get about one call every forty minutes. That's all I'm doing.

My day with the young

2007-10-18T12:45:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was quite a day for me and the children that are a part of my life.

I taught my second class at the JCC on the upper west side. For this class, I get to spend an hour and a half with about fifteen 7 year olds, playing games and singing songs. What could be better than that? Last week, we sang "Do-Re-Mi," or "Do, a Deer." The best way to get kids to sing with you is to sing really loudly at them. Unfortunately, I had a sore throat last week, sounded sounded like Harvey Fierstein, and not even Torch Song Trilogy Harvey Fierstein, but Hairspray Harvey Fierstein. The kids came up with motions for the various solfege syllables. The whole thing was very cute, except for my singing.

By the way, the class is all girls, except for one guy. Since the class has Broadway in the name, I was hoping that any boy who signed up would be awkward and shy, like I would have been. This kid is hyperactive and can't pay attention to anything. I know kids are overmedicated these days, but I can understand the impulse to drug the energy out of loud kids. They're just really hard to deal with.

One of my biggest fears with the class stems from the fact that the guy I'm subbing for is better looking than I am, and kids like good looking people better then non-good looking people. I saw a story about it on 20/20 years ago so I know it's true. I'm afraid that the kids are not ever going to like me as much because I'm not as cute as the original pianist for the class.

After working with the kids in the afternoon, I spent my night with the 38 young pioneers of Bonanza City. I love kid nation so much. That's all there is to say about that. My only concern right now is that Zach isn't going to get a gold star because he's now the leader of the yellow district. In related news, according to entertainment weekly, Randi was the one girl who voted for Zach, dethroning Taylor. I was thrilled that one of the kids I initially profiled ended up being so important this episode, even though I thought some other girl was the swing vote.

Best-show-of-all-time? Nation

2007-10-12T19:27:00.000-04:00

Kid Nation truly is shaping up to be one of the best shows of all time.

I haven't written much about Kid Nation since I did a "where are they now"-type profile on the four kids I featured in my Kid Nation preview post. Let's forget about those kids and talk about the girl that we all love: Sophia!

Sophia is the hardest worker of Bonanza City. She cooks when the evil yellow team won't, and she dances in the street to earn money. She doesn't even believe in G-d. That's how incredible she is. Kid's who believe in G-d make me sick. Especially Christian sisters Olivia and Mallory. I hope they leave bonanza city soon, because I can not stand hearing them talk about their religion, or about how hard they're working, or anything else for that matter. The point is, Sophia is fantastic.

I'll be writing more posts in the near future about Kid Nation, so stay tuned. In the mean time, let's all just think about some of the great moments so far, like when Taylor cried, or when Greg and Blair were up to their patented Greg/Blair style mischief, or when Anjay prayed to his 30 million g-ds. That kid's a savage.

Bolthouse Farms Update

2007-09-28T18:45:00.000-04:00

As most fans of this blog know, I love the Bolthouse Farms drinks. I know some people may complain about their unethical business practices, but I just don't care. Their drinks taste great and provide valuable nutrients for those of us who don't eat enough on our own.

Well, today, my local supermarket finally got their Bolthouse Farms shipment in. Since I awoke from my coma at the end of August, they have not had one Bolthouse Farms drink in stock. Today, that all changed. What makes this development even more exciting is that my local supermarket seems to be the only place to get the Blue Goodness drink, which is not only high in the antioxidants that one would expect from blue and purple fruits, but is also chock full of biotin, a vitamin that's good for hair. I bought two containers of Blue Goodness today, and may buy some more tomorrow. It's just so good.

Does anyone else think this is a weird policy?!?

2007-09-24T20:34:00.000-04:00

Besides, I can think of at least six more genders that metro north should have as options.

Worse than when Jeeves Retired

2007-09-24T00:12:00.000-04:00

Google stopped working on my computer. Everytime I try using it this screen pops up.

Did Google shut down?

Kid Nation: The Review

2007-09-23T23:19:00.000-04:00

After seeing the first episode, I can say with absolute certainty that CBS has a hit on their hands. I love Kid Nation. If I were younger, and had parents that were negligent and fame-hungry, maybe I would even have tried out for the show.

I wanted to follow up on the four kids I spotlighted last entry, and talk about how they did this past episode.

Randi: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure she ended up not doing the show. I know she didn't say anything, and I don't even think I saw her in any of the group scenes. Am I right?

Greg: So far, Greg is the villain of the show. I hate him. If this were Lord Of The Flies, he would be Jack to Michael's Ralph. Were those the names of the bad and good guys from that book? The point is, Greg is bad news. I can't believe I anticipated a lot of sex for him. He d0es not deserve it.

Laurel: Little did I know, when I chose to write about Laurel, that she would be one of the stars of the show. Laurel was chosen to be one of the four members of the town council. She led the green team to a last place finish in the colored water challenge. Even with her poor leadership skills, she was very nice to the little eight year old who quit, and said she'd be his mother, or something odd like that.

Brett: I definitely saw Brett, so unlike Randi, I am convinced he's on the show. However, I don't think he said anything. Oh well. We'll all just have to wait until next week for his unique liberal take on the issues of the day.

Well, that's Kid Nation in a nutshell. Watch it. Write to your local CBS affiliates telling them how much you loved the show, and how Two and a Half Men should be taken off the air. It's just not good.

Countdown to Kid Nation

2007-09-19T10:18:00.000-04:00

With Big Brother 8 finally wrapping up last night, summer is officially over (I'm pretty sure the US government is working with CBS so that summer officially beginnings and ends with the TV show).

Now that fall's upon us, it's time for a new batch of reality shows. The prize jewel in television's crown this season is soon-to-be hit show, Kid Nation. I've randomly selected some kids from the show to introduce to you. Let's see what they're like!!!

This is Randi. She was the first profile to come up when I went to the Kid Nation website, so she must be good. If you read her bio you'll discover that the world leader she admires is George W. Bush, and if she could change the world she would eliminate wars. She also loves riding horses.

When I refreshed the website, Greg was the featured kid. At fifteen years old, I'm guessing that he'll be one of the most sexually active kids of the season. According to his bio, he doesn't belong to any organizations or clubs, so don't ask him about it. Most of the questions on his bio were answered with a "no" or "I wouldn't do anything." I bet all the girls are going to go wild for him.

The third time I visited the page, Laurel's profile was featured. Even though the world leader she admired most was Jesus, I still like her a lot. She answered every question with long responses, and most of them were liberal enough for me to approve of. She's really into global warming and the war in Iraq.

The fourth and final time I went to the website, Brett's bio came up. I think Brett's my favorite kid so far. He's really liberal, and really into protecting kids from harmful divorce laws. When asked to name one of the worst US presidents he said "I don't care to answer that question." He's such a renegade. I'm picking him as the winner of Kid Nation, if there is a winner.

Come back later this week TV fans, for more of my fall preview.

My resurection

2007-09-07T16:36:00.001-04:00

When we last left off, I was knee deep in rank fever. However, my fever got out of control, and I fell into a deep coma for three months. However, I'm back, and ready to keep you all updated as to how my life's going these days. How is it going, you ask? Pretty damn good! Even though I've only been awake for a few days, I already have a sweet part-time job. I'm a professor at a highly selective liberal arts college. I'll be updating soon with more insight into my brand new job.

The Rankings are in

2007-06-03T12:32:00.000-04:00

For a while, I thought my case of rank fever had passed on it's own. I just waited it out and drank plenty of fluids. However, I went to the doctor on Friday, and he suggested a publish a ranking, just to be safe. So, without further ado, here are the top instruments.

22. Tuba
21. Bassoon
20. Harp
19. Oboe
18. Viola
17. French Horn
16. Soprano Saxophone
15. Electric Bass
14. Electric Guitar
13. Acoustic Guitar
12. Piano
11. Trombone
10. Alto Saxophone
9. Violin
8. Flute
7. Cello
6. Double Bass
5. Baritone Saxophone
4. Clarinet
3. Tenor Sax
2. Drums
1. Trumpet

I've got a case of rank fever

2007-05-28T13:12:00.000-04:00

Well,

Rank fever's been spreading like wildfire round these parts, and I've finally come down with a bad case of it.

Since I've just finished up grad school in music, I thought it'd be appropriate to share some of the wisdom I've learned, and rank the instruments.

They'll be scored on:
How nice the sound is
Agility and ease of playing
Sexiness/coolness of the instrument to play
Aesthetic qualities
Social acceptability
Cost

Ties will be broken by how much I personally like people who play those instruments.

Check back later today for the results.

Nes-not-so-quick(ly removed that is)

2007-05-16T00:59:00.000-04:00

Last Tuesday, I needed change for my ten dollar bill so that I could make copies in my school library. I went to the cafeteria and bought a Nesquick, so that in addition to getting change, I could have a delicious drink. When I returned to the library to make the copies, I had to put my drink on this little table at the front of the library. Drinks and food are not permitted in the library, for obvious reasons.

Well, I wasn't paying that much attention and ended up leaving it at school. Well, on Wednesday, it was still there. On Friday it was still there. Today, it was still there. No one's throwing it out. I'm looking forward to heading to school these days just to see if it's still in the library.

What do you all think, will it be there tomorrow?

What a Crazy Website

2007-05-13T11:04:00.000-04:00

Have any of you ever been on Connexion.com? You should check it out. It's a social networking site just for gay people, and any straight people who join to make gay friends.

Anyway, the only people that usually message me are in their mid forties, so it wasn't that unusual when a 44 year old messaged me this morning. He's from Aberdeen, SD, and made me really sad. He asked if I had any roommates, and said that he had none, but was looking for a hot gay young roommate. He told me that if I knew anyone who might be interested, he'd help them relocate and find a job, and wouldn't charge them until they got on their feet. What a sweetheart. I told him I'd try to think of someone, so if any of you readers are interested, let me know. Just no fems, that was his one requirements.

Later he said that we should get together, and asked if I was into hookups. I told him that I wasn't and apologized, and mentioned that we live across the country from one another anyway. He countered that argument with, "That's what airports r for." Well played Russ, well played.

Am I Healthy?

2007-05-05T20:03:00.000-04:00

My health has been all over the place these past few days. First of all, I've been sick for the past week. I started getting a sore throat Sunday night, and it all went downhill from there. However, I'm feeling a little better today, and I'm hoping that I'll be all better tomorrow. Why has my recovery been so quick, you ask. The answer may surprise you.

In the past week, I've had three different people show me how to work out. Beta, Old Asian, and I have been doing some Gilad these past few days. He works us hard, but it's because he loves us. Really.

I've also been doing Pilates with Beta. I forget the name of the woman who leads the workout on the video, but her assistant is named Tera. Tera does scaled down versions of the exercises, and I hate her.

Finally, I got a personal trainer this week. He told me I need to be eating 5 times a day. That's going to be hard. I normally eat between two and three times a day, but I'm willing to make some big changes, especially since my trainer told me that I could gain 20 pounds in the next month. I don't think that's going to happen. Anyway, I've seeing him 10 times in the next five weeks, so I'll keep everyone updated as to my progress.

Rosie's departure has prompted me to post

2007-04-25T13:45:00.000-04:00

Well,

After a week or so without posting, I've returned, and I've got a lot to say.

Speaking of having things to stay, Rosie's leaving The View. I've loved watching Rosie this year on television, as she brought her liberal, lesbian, sass to America. She'll certainly be missed. On behalf of myself, and my readers, I'd like to give a big Avi K shout out to Rosie. At least there'll be one less show for me to Tivo next year. Unless they get someone even better to replace her, like Elaine Stritch.

In other news, I finished playing in the pit of that musical that I was rehearsing for a couple of weeks ago. One of the cast mates, let's just call him "Master Splinter," was big and black, and as a result, wanted to have sex with me. So I had sex with him. Pretty crazy, right? He called me on Monday, but I don't think I'm going to call him back. I'm a real playa that way.

Finally, tonight is my big concert at school. Everyone reading this should come. Really, even if your a reader who I don't know personally, like that minister who blogs about gay people. Come on. It's going to be a fun time.

C-Town Highlights

2007-04-16T10:41:00.000-04:00

Here are a couple of highlights from my weekend in Cleveland:

I changed my connexion address to Cleveland and went online to see if there were any other people in the area who were gay. Maybe if I was really lucky, I'd discover that someone I knew was gay. Finding out that people turned out gay is one of my favorite interests. Check my myspace for even more interests. Anyway, it turns out that I was the only gay person online in a 25 mile radius from my zip code. Thank g-d I live in New York, where I really take advantage of the gay population.

When I was here in December, my mother met this pianist at a party thrown by one of my neighbors. She asked the neighbor about setting him up with my sister, was informed he was gay, and then asked about setting him up with me. She thought this was really really funny, and kept bringing it up. I don't know. Anyway, she kept bringing it up again on this trip home. Apparently, the next time this guy's in New York, she's going to have him call me, but I kind of doubt that's happening. He's supposed to be very attractive, but I don't think I trust my mother's taste in men. She used to tell me I was the handsomest boy in school, so I'm skeptical at best about this new guy.

Finally, here's a conversation I had with my father, upon discovering the fancy new answering machine he bought.

Me: We got a new answering machine.

Dad: Yeah, well the button on the old one that changed the volume stopped working. I tried taking it apart to fix it, but it still wouldn't work.

Me: Well, we had that one for a while.

Dad: Really?

Me: Yeah. I was in high school when we got it.

Dad: I didn't know we had it that long. I think I need to start writing down when I buy things, so I know how long I've had them when it comes time to replace them.

Well, that's all that's happened in Cleveland this weekend. Who needs the local news when you've got this blog?

PS I'm writing this at the airport, and there are so many birds flying around and chirping here at the gate. I'm hoping none of them make it on the flight, because it would be annoying for all of us on the plane, and incredibly confusing for the bird once it got off.

Back home in C-Town

2007-04-13T13:02:00.000-04:00

I'm back in Cleveland for the weekend. Since I arrived, the fun hasn't stopped.

Since there's no Tivo at home, I've resorted to watching the TVGuide Channel, or as I call it, the Preview Channel, since that's what it was originally called. I don't remember what kinds of programs they had in the top half of the screen when I was in high school, but I've got a feeling it was less idiotic than the crap that they have these days. Right now, there's a program on called "Look-A-Like." I only watched the beginning, but it consisted of people who kind of look like celebrities talking with a panel of judges. It was so boring. I hope that the next time I tune in, they have something that's of a little higher quality, like maybe updates about former American Idol contestants.

Question

2007-04-09T12:09:00.000-04:00

Everyone,

I'm about to join ASCAP. For those of you not in the know, ASCAP is the American Society of Composers, Authors, and Performers. However, since I'm not currently signed with a publishing company, I will be functioning as my own publisher, and need to come up with a name for my "company." My question to you, my loyal readers, is as follows:

What should I call my publishing company? Keep in mind, I'll have to write this name on all of my music for the rest of my professional career, so it should be something that won't be embarrassing down the road. Thoughts?!?

Five Truths

2007-04-06T11:26:00.000-04:00

I was "tagged" to submit five truths about myself. Well, here they are. I would actually imagine that they won't be surprises to most people, but what can I do?

1. While I don't often cry, a lot of television makes me tear up. I teared up when I first heard Melinda Doolittle's story on the American Idol top 24 episode, and yesterday, I teared up watching the Boy Meets World finale, when the kids hug Mr. Feeny and tell him how he'll be with them for the rest of their lives. Seriously, how could that not tug at anyone's heartstrings? That show is so good.

2. When I was a senior in high school, school was cancelled for a couple of days because someone posted a hit-list in the upstairs bathroom. This related to me, because I got in trouble once school resumed, since I couldn't stop making jokes about it. Most of them were really funny.

3. In middle school, I was really into being Jewish, like writing G-d-level Jewish. Yeah. I wasn't being ironic either. I think I was just rebelling against my super crazy Catholic teacher.

4. Every day I work at food research, I go onto wikipedia, and look at the changes that have been made to my high school's page. It's a pretty weird thing to do.

5. I really wish I could write songs and be a hip singer/songwriter. Every once and a while, I'll try writing a song, and quickly give up, because I'm incapable of writing lyrics that aren't ridiculously awful. What a shame?

Well, those are five truths about myself. I've done my best to make them somewhat interesting, and not depressing. I hope you've had as much fun reading them as I had writing them. Post that!

Musical Comedy Madness - Part II

2007-04-03T13:23:00.000-04:00

So, on Sunday, after being viciously tricked and misled, I played a six hour rehearsal for this musical. Everything was fine with that, even though I've become so jaded at this point that the show has lost of all of its magic for me.

After the rehearsal, the cast went out for drinks, and since Mr. Music Director promised he'd buy me a drink, I decided to go out with them. JK! I actually went since my goal in life these days is to meet other gay people, particularly one's who aren't constantly trying to trick me. Also, my friend Tin would be there.

Anyway, I got to mingle a little with the cast, including one black guy who actually said to me "you're not gay, right?" I could have died and gone to heaven! There are few things I like more than people not being able to tell that I'm gay. That's right up there with people on the phone not thinking that I'm a woman. I'd have slept with him right there, except, he didn't seem to be that interested, and I'm trying to stay away from black people for the time being. I've had a couple of bad experiences, and really want to date a white person. Am I racist?

I also got to meet Mr. MD's boyfriend, who apparently was supposed to play the rehearsals that I ended up playing. I guess that puts me next in line to be Mr. MD's new boyfriend. The "old" boyfriend, who turned out to be 19, thought that Tin and I were a couple, and then kept asking Tin if he was a top or bottom. He told Tin that he probably was a bottom.

As we all drank more, I became funnier and funnier, so I'm pretty sure a threesome is in store for the future.

Musical Comedy Madness

2007-04-02T11:05:00.000-04:00

As many of my loyal followers know, I'll be graduating from school this May. One of my plans for my post-graduate life is to do musical theater in the city. I got a head start on my dreams earlier this week, when I started playing piano for rehearsals for a musical at a local University.

When I arrived at the rehearsal on Thursday, I noticed how cute the music director was. Not only was he cute, but he had bad skin, which I was hoping would drop him down from cute-person league to my league, which I don't yet have a name for. We'd be a match made in heaven! Not only was he cute and possibly in my league, but he was also really friendly to me.
One of the downsides of not being a "nice" person is that I assume that if other people are nice to me, then they must have some sort of hidden agenda, and that agenda could be that they are trying to sleep with me. All of the signs were there: he was slightly touchy with me, told me he'd buy me drinks next time the cast went out, and laughed at jokes I made. Then, he asked me if I could play a six hour rehearsal on Sunday. I was so smitten, that I agreed to play piano for six hours without getting paid!

Well, I got home on Thursday night, and immediately did what any red-blooded young man would do, looked up the music director on several social networking web sites. It turns out that he has a boyfriend. Can you believe it?!?

How Disturbing

2007-03-28T12:38:00.000-04:00

Look at this excerpt from an e-mail my mother sent me yesterday:

"Your gr*ndpar*nts were so excited to spe*k with y*u last week. I think th*y are facing their mortality and w*nt to feel conn*cted to their f*mily."

The stars are there, of course, to prevent anyone from googling the e-mail.

A Quick Update

2007-03-26T14:41:00.000-04:00

I was just on the phone with a receptionist, and she called me "sir" several times, and didn't even try correcting herself. I'm so happy! I really am a man.

The Sound of My Own Voice

2007-03-26T12:34:00.000-04:00

Well, the excitement that i had yesterday morning about doing new and different things has gradually devolved into something else, something that's less fun and optimistic. Oh well.

In other news, you know how sometimes when you call someone on the phone, you can hear your own voice, delayed slightly. This happened to me twice this morning. Unfortunately, I can't stand hearing my voice on the phone, so I have to hold the receiver at an angle so that I can still speak into the phone, but can't hear anything that's coming out of it. I hope no one noticed.

Heads up to those who know me

2007-03-25T12:13:00.001-04:00

Maybe I'm still a little drunk from last night, but I've decided that I'm about to turn my life around. I'm going to do what George did on that Seinfeld episode where he decided to do the opposite of everything he normally did. Was that the episode where he got engaged to Susan? It's been a long time since I've seen it.

Anyway, I'm thinking of actually seeing a therapist to fix myself, and maybe even getting those colored contacts I keep talking about. See, normally, I would never do anything like that. Get ready world, here I come!

Fitness Help

2007-03-23T13:42:00.000-04:00

I was browsing the Internet, looking for info on a Discovery Channel show called Planet Earth, that I saw in an Internet ad that looked interesting.

Anyway, I started looking at the website for Discovery Health, and saw a photo of a person lifting weights. I was obviously intrigued, and noticed that there were some general fitness tips. I'm always looking to get into shape, so I clicked on the link.

Look how annoying these tips are!
http://health.discovery.com/national-body-challenge/fitness-program/tips.html

I don't have kids, so I can't play tag with them. At this rate, I'll never have the hot bod I need for tonight.

Dissapointing Day

2007-03-23T12:07:00.000-04:00

We usually have bagels on Friday here at food research. It's something to look forward to during the monotonous and boring week. However, there was nothing today. Absolutely nothing. I'm going out of my mind here.

One of the reason's that I'm so crazed today is that I'm seeing someone tonight for the first time in several months. I have to look really really good tonight, so that I leave a memorable and highly sexual impression. It'd be great if I could look more Aryan also. I'm afraid to put any dye in my hair though, since I'm pretty sure my hair will all fall out if I do anything unusual to it. I'm too grossed out by anything eye-related, so I'm not going to put any blue contacts in either. Other than that, does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can look really good, Aryan or not?

PS A Google search for Aryan leads to many scary websites. Also, I may have put food research on some watch list by searching for term here at the office. Whoops!

Growin Up

2007-03-21T11:51:00.000-04:00

I'm at food research, and have been making calls since about 9:30, and have only been called ma'am once so far this mornig. I think that's a personal best for me. I'm really turning into a man.

Apartment Shopping

2007-03-18T16:52:00.000-04:00

My parents are always talking about buying an apartment in New York. They won't ever do that, because it would be too wonderful, but they seem to be getting slightly more serious about apartment shopping, because found a couple of places in the paper, and had me check them out. So, this afternoon, my friend Asian and I checked out this apartment.

The place was okay, even though there was hand railing around the hall, which made me think that it was the apartment of an old person, who probably died in the apartment. Also, the real-estate agent probably thought that Asian and I were a gay couple. The apartment would probably be pretty good for a gay couple, since one of the living room walls is made up of sliding doors covered with mirrors. It felt like being in a dance studio. And I love to dance.

"Bolthouse Farms - yummy" Part 2

2007-03-12T20:16:00.000-04:00

I really like fruit drinks that are delicious and filled with the vitamins and minerals that make me as healthy as I am today. Bolthouse Farms is a brand that comes in many delicious flavors, and in sizes that go beyond single servings.

Well, I was browsing the internet today to see if I could figure out a way to get them shipped to me in bulk, especially since the grocery store with the best prices has such a small selection. Well, apparently many people have had similar thoughts, because when I searched "Bolthouse Farm shipping" the top hit was a blog post that was filled with comments about how average people discovered the blog by searching the internet with the same query.

The blog post itself is pretty boring, mostly about how much the poster enjoys the Bolthouse Farm Green Goodness drink. And who wouldn't? It's filled with all kinds of green fruits and vegetables, such as broccoli, kiwi, and apples. They've even thrown in some dragon fruit. Anyway, there are over twenty responses on the blog, many about the questionable corporate practices of Bolthouse Farms. However, Bolthouse Farms certainly have their defenders, as it's hard not to sympathize with any company who makes drinks as delicious and nutritious as they do. I hope that by mentioning the words "Bolthouse Farms" and "Shipping" in this post as often as I do, this blog post will become the new home of Bolthouse Farms drink discussions.

Incidentally, it's apparently impossible to get Bolthouse Farms drinks shipped to anyone personally. At least that's the way it is right now. I'm sure if we put our heads together, we can figure out a way to make it happen.

Here's the infamous blog page.
http://www.aaronwall.com/archives/000660.html

Something Else

2007-03-09T12:43:00.000-05:00

Also, check out this website and look at Luke's story.

http://www.slhduluth.com/

I found the summery of the story that appeared on the home page to be pretty funny. I clicked "continue" and read more about it, and then it wasn't as funny anymore, so I wouldn't recommend doing that. But at least look at the home page.

Bored_at_work@foodresearch.ca

2007-03-09T12:23:00.001-05:00

I've been incredibly bored at work these past couple of days. I'd explain to you what I'm doing at work, but it'd be far too boring to waste valuable blog space with. However, I've been killing the time, not only by browsing many different websites and waiting for them to update their recaps of television show, but also by writing e-mails to people.

I know this may not seem like much, but I'm really bad at writing e-mails in a timely fashion. How bad, you ask. Trust me, you don't want to know. Let's leave it at that. Anyway, between yesterday and today, I've written valuable e-mails to two former professors of mine, two current professors, a New York music director, my boss at camp, his neighbor, and a bonus e-mail to my friend Stinky L.

I'm being so productive that I'm going to reward myself by reading more recaps of tv shows. Wish me luck.

Endurance Questions

2007-03-07T10:56:00.000-05:00

Has anyone not been watching Endurance this season?

Aren't some of the players awful?

I know I've already devoted much of my blogging to deal with my tv.com posts on the Endurance forum, but here I go again. I was browsing the Endurance forums and came across this topic.

http://www.tv.com/endurance/show/12958/top-10-most-hated-players!!!!!!/topic/6854-677718/msgs.html?tag=board_topics;title;1

The topic is about the most hated players in the long history of the game. Some people were hating on one of my favorite players of all time, Willa. I defended her, and indicated my support for the hatred of Cealey, the true villain of this season.

I guess the final question of the day is: what kind of response will my post get? Support? Criticism? A cry for a new alphabet game? These questions are truly invading my soul.

Some updates

2007-02-28T15:25:00.000-05:00

Here are some quick updates about my life:

I updated to blogger 2.0 or whatever blogger.com has been asking me to do for the past few months. I'm not sure what's different, but I know I already hate it.

I applied to graduate today. Smooth-sailing for me.

Finally, I wrote this great funtrivia quiz. Check it out. http://www.funtrivia.com/quizdetails.cfm?quiz=253444

Stranger on the Bus

2007-02-14T17:37:00.000-05:00

Well,

Yesterday, I was riding on the bus in Queens, a seemingly normal activity. One of the things about riding on the bus in Queens is that sometimes people talk to me. Well, yesterday, this Jewish guy tapped me on the leg when I was doing music homework. He asked what I played, and I told him that I played the piano, but was studying composition in school. I'll give you an abridged version of the conversation, with my thoughts in italics.

Jewish Guy: I play piano too, but I can't read music. All in my head. It's a bad way to play.

Avi K: I'm going to be polite. I don't think there's a bad way to play piano.

JG: Trust me. There is. What kind of music do you write?

AK: I wish this wasn't happening. Umm.

JG: I mean like, opera, classical, songs..

AK: Mostly classical.

JG: Like Bach and Beethoven. You know, they were really crazy.

AK: I'm just going to keep agreeing. Yeah.

JG: Like totally nuts.

AK: Yeah.

Here's where our conversation took a bad turn. You'll see what happens.

JG: You Jewish?

AK: This is horrible. Yes. I should have said "no." This is so awful.

JG: Religious?

AK: Not really.

JG: Your grandfather was Jewish?

AK: Yeah. I hope the bus crashes.

JG: Yom Kippur?

AK: Yeah.

JG: Kosher?

AK: No.

JG: Been to Israel?

AK: No.

JG: Want to go?

AK: I guess so.

JG: Want to go on Monday?

AK: I don't think I can.

I'll just leave you with that much of our conversation. I hate Jewish people. They make me so uncomfortable. I'll never admit to being Jewish again if someone asks me. Never.

I'm an Internet Sensation

2007-01-31T10:22:00.000-05:00

First of all, if you haven't checked out the link I posted on Monday, you should really do so.

Secondly, check out THIS awesome link:
http://www.tv.com/endurance/show/12958/endurance-alphabet-game/topic/6854-642639/msgs.html?tag=board_topics;title;0

Things are really going my way!!!

In other news, I've started my final semester of school, and am inches away from making it as a famous composer. Look out Yehudi Wyner, I'm catching up.

Bored at work

2007-01-29T13:24:00.000-05:00

I've had nothing to do at work today for over an hour. Normally, this wouldn't be so bad, but my roommate craitzy, who used to work at Food Research with me, decided to leave the company forever, at least until tomorrow. So here I am, sitting at this computer, with no one to talk with. While I'm waiting for something to do, I've decided to make a poll on tv.com. Check it out. I'm thinking of posting some more things on tv.com today. Maybe an alphabet game or two for some of my favorite shows. Here's the link to my poll.

http://www.tv.com/endurance/show/12958/which-of-the-andquotpopularandquot-teams-is-the-worst/topic/6854-642574/msgs.html?tag=board_topics;title;0

I'll keep everyone updated to any other posts I make today.

Back and Burned

2007-01-23T10:38:00.000-05:00

Well,

I'm back at food research. However, today, the workers suffered the worst disaster that can potentially fall on them: breakfast was burnt. After some discussion, it became clear that there obviously "something was wrong" with the place they ordered from.

Apparently, the food was so bad, that my co-worker Jancy decided to leave the office at 10:45. Our co-worker Gubermont joked with her to "pick up a muffin on the way home." The two of them sure have fun.

New Chairs

2007-01-04T13:41:00.000-05:00

I'm back working at Food Research, and the new year has brought some great changes to the office. Everyone got new chairs. There are two kinds of new chairs, one for men, and one for women. They both look very comfortable. Here's what the women are using.

Here's what the men are sitting on these days.

Yep, that's really a chair. Apparently, these chairs are good for your posture, but I just can't get over how funny they look.

In other news, someone called me "sir" on the phone today. It was a nice change of pace for me, since I was called "ma'am" about fifteen times yesterday.

Back home again

2007-01-03T12:23:00.000-05:00

Well, I just got back from the Bahamas, where I spent my new years eve. Because I was out of town, I didn't really get to spend some alone time to make my resolutions. However, I haven't given up, and I'll be posting my resolutions soon. Stay tuned. Also coming up will be my "Best of 2006" lists and other year-in-review things. Just keep checking back.

Friday Fun

2006-12-15T14:13:00.000-05:00

Well faithful readers,

Last night my piece was premiered at Food Research College. I had been literally terrified that the piece would be boring, but it seemed to go okay. After my piece, and old woman sitting a few rows in front of me gave me a look of approval. She seemed to be saying "your piece wasn't boring," or "I'm old, so I like things that would be boring to younger people." Either way, I was satisfied.

I'm here at the office right now, looking up fax numbers of radiology clinics. I just need two radiology technicians from independent radiology clinics to take this internet survey, and I'll be done with this project. If anyone reading this is, or knows a radiology technician, please indicate as much in the comment section. I don't think any of my co-recruiters are doing anything for this project even though it's supposed to end today. I did hear some complaining about the lists though, so I know they're at least thinking about something important, and stressful.

Finally, go to this link and move the mouse around.
http://www.thebraincentre.org/mri/I'm pretty sure I hate The Brain Centre.

Monday(ne) things at Work

2006-12-11T16:27:00.000-05:00

Work today's been pretty boring. This morning I looked up even more Spanish dermatologists. However, due to my poor performance, I was given a new task in the afternoon. I'm now looking up fax numbers for free-standing radiology clinics. This one place, let's call it "Pro-Echo Diagnosticsmont" offers many services, including a "stress test." It's like the clinic's being run by a bunch of crazy scientologists. Incidentally, the fax number is (305) 532-7648.

Weekend Fun

2006-12-11T11:03:00.000-05:00

Faithful readers,

I had quite a weekend this past weekend.

Things really began on Thursday night, when I went to the wonderful Barracuda bar in Chelsea with the friend and co-worker Rodd. I had been told going to bars alone would be a good way to meet new people, but I knew that I would be much to terrified to actually do that, so Rodd and I went together. First of all, I will never go to a bar alone, because I watched a couple of people who were alone at this bar. No one approached them. They just stood in a corner with their drinks and watched other people. If that had been me, I probably would have kept drinking until I needed to take a cab home and then cried in bed and been unhappy the whole next day. Thank g-d that didn't happen!

Anyway, Rodd and I spent the whole time we were there talking to each other and I didn't meet anyone new. I think the reason for this is that I'm afraid to make eye contact with people. I'm afraid that any type of eye contact is an invitation for someone to talk to me. When someone starts talking to me, I'll be very polite and moderately awkward and kind of boring. Anyway, they'll probably want to sleep with me, so I'll go home with them. The next morning, I'll realize that I'm not interested in spending any sort of non-sexual time with this person, and I'll have to figure out what to do when they start calling in a couple of days. This whole thing is like a really crazy and gay version of that "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie..." The point is, I'm too crazy to meet new people.

The next day, I went in to work, and spent about seven hours using Yahoo Yellow Pages in Spanish, or Páginas Amarillas, to find fax numbers of Spanish dermatologists, or dermatólogos.

On Saturday, I went to my alma mater, Vassmont college, and saw a concert, and then traveled back to New York. What fun!

That's pretty much it. Sunday just found me trying to do some school work, and being unproductive. I can't really do work until the night before things are due anyway, and nothing was due on Monday.

I guess I'm all caught up. Soon, I'll let you know how today's been going for me. Here's a little teaser: more dermatólogos.

cómo es tremendo

2006-12-07T10:27:00.000-05:00

Well,

Today hasn't been as great as yesterday. My job today is to use google to find fax numbers for spanish gynocolegists and dermatologists. The only problem is that I don't speak spanish. After I complained that I couldn't find any names, I was swtiched to Italy. I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get anything accomplished today. How awful.

Also, when I do an image search for the title of this post, here's what I got.

What a Day

2006-12-06T12:41:00.000-05:00

I wrote this yesterday, but had to wait to publish it for security reason. Here is it now. Enjoy. ;(

First of all, I'm back at work today, at Food Research, making phone calls and looking things up on the internet. After a hard morning of work, I'm about to reward myself with a healthy lunch, and a fun afternoon school.

In addition, it seems that I may have a new student to tutor. A girl needs help preparing for a keyboard skills test, so she e-mailed me and and asked for help. Her e-mail address begins with "tangledfingers," so I guess she made a special e-mail account for me just to prove she's not good playing the piano.

The final news for the day involves me winning a bet. Let's just say that I'm now in a position of authority for one of the top media websites on the internet.

Still on the Case

2006-12-05T11:06:00.000-05:00

Here's a brief follow-up to my last blog post:

I went into Children's Place yesterday to check out the new winter line (I'll probably be buying some more sweaters there soon). I realized that peaking out of my winter coat was a red sweater that I bought from CP in October. It was going to be hard to shop there and to pretend that the clothes I buy aren't for myself. I have to remember to wear grown-up clothes when I go shopping.

That Time of Year

2006-12-01T19:11:00.000-05:00

Yes everyone, it's that time of year: the time when old man winter’s cold grip begins to strangle us all. All of this talk about the changing of the seasons reminds me of a little adventure I had but a few weeks ago.

At the end of October, I bought some sweaters and shirts at the Children’s Place. I know what you’re all thinking: isn’t that store for, you know, kids?!?

Yes.

However, most adult clothes don’t fit me, as I’m devilishly skinny. Anyway, after I bought my clothes, I tried on the shirts (I obviously couldn’t try them on in the store), and noticed that the size I got, large, was too small. I had to return them and get extra larges.

Well, when I went back to the store, I discovered that the season had changed from Fall to Winter, and that the shirts were now on sale. I returned my two shirts, and planned on getting three to replace them. However, the Emerald Green shirt that I bought was out of stock in my local CP. This was going to be a problem.

I had to go online and find out where the other CP stores were in the city. I found one, and bought the shirt. Phew. What I liked most about this new store though, wasn’t that they had the Emerald Green shirt in stock, but that the bags they gave me weren’t as flashy. Instead of giving the bright blue bags with “Children’s Place” written in white, this store opted for the more subtle white plastic bag, with “Children’s Place” written in blue. Much classier.

In conclusion, the seasons are changing. Best to check your favorite shops and see if your shirts are on sale.

I'm back

2006-11-24T18:50:00.000-05:00

Faithful readers,

I'm back. Now, I imagine you probably think that I was kidnapped, or something equally sinister, for these past three weeks, which I why I haven't been keeping you up to date on my fun life through these blogs. However, the truth is that I don't have such a foolproof excuse. I just haven't been posting. Don't worry though, I'll catch everyone up on what I've done these past weeks, and it'll seem like no time's past at all.

As an extra treat, I've included this image that popped up in a google image search for the word "happiness." I hope that cheers everyone up.

How crazy and pathetic

2006-11-03T10:04:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, I get emotional about things, usually to my embarrassment. My embarrassment is amplified when I get irrationally emotional over things that are pretty stupid. Here's a good example from earlier this morning.

Through wiki-surfing, as the kids call it these days, I stumbled upon a list of all the characters on the hit TV show Friends. As I started reading about Friends and all of the friends' friends, I began to wonder how all of the plot lines were resolved over the course of the series, which I had stopped watching after the third season or so. I clicked on the entry "Season synopsis of friends" and began reading away. Discovering the ways in which Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Ross' lives changed as they moved from their mid-twenties to their mid-thirties made me really sad. I started thinking about growing up, and the ways in which people grow apart, and move on with their lives. I then had to look up all of the characters to see when they were born, to see how far removed I am from the ages of the characters as the show began. Anyway, I learned a lot about Friends today, and became quite upset doing so.

Pretty crazy, no?

Another Thing

2006-10-30T11:47:00.000-05:00

On Thursday night, in my Brahms class, someone was presenting their analysis on a piece of music. They were trying to argue some point that people weren't really agreeing with. Anyway, as he tried to explain his thoughts he came up with a wonderful analogy. He said, "the Db is the killer, the C is the weapon, and the F is the victim." Just to make sure that we're all on the same page, no amount of musical training and education can make that make sense. Seriously, the people in my class are morons.

Subway Dilema

2006-10-30T11:36:00.000-05:00

On Friday, I went to my local Subway sandwich shop. Even though I hadn't been there in over two weeks, the guy there knew exactly what I wanted. It felt fantastic.

However, shortly after I arrived, this old man came in, confirmed what day of the week it was, and ordered the sandwich of the day. You see, for those of you out of the loop, everyday of the week has a different featured sandwich. I started thinking, I wonder if I'd be happier if I changed things up, and didn't get the same sandwich every day. If I did that though, then I wouldn't have the pleasure of having the workers know what I want to eat.

What should I do?!?

Mock-Blog Post

2006-10-26T15:29:00.000-04:00

Well,

I'm here at my school's library, just kickin' it, and thought I'd share what I did this past Monday.

Before we get started, everyone should know that I initialed a statement saying that I would not repeat what was discussed on Monday, so I'm going to be vague.

I went to a mock-trial/focus group on Monday!!! It was fantastic. We got to hear a very important case about someone trying to get money from an insurance company, and the company trying to give as little as possible. Well, let's just say that the insurance company who organized the mock trial is probably scared to death, and ready to settle, because my jury hated them, and awarded a lot of mock-money to the plaintiff.

The excitement of being on a mock-jury made me want to be on a real jury. We all had a great little deliberation session, and I made a lot of new friends. The reunion's going to be three weeks from tomorrow, so don't ask me to do anything that night. I'm hoping someone gets injured while we're partying, so that we can have another great discussion about how much pain and suffering's going on (P and S for those of you in the know).

Love,

Avi K

I'm Back

2006-10-24T16:44:00.000-04:00

Well, after a long absence from the blog, I'm back, and what a time I've had since we last spoke.

First of all, I worked hard on Thursday, since I was told that I was no longer needed at the office, and I really wanted to go out with a bang. Anyway, I finished work, and then spent Friday living it up in New York City. I visited with a friend from summer camp, who was visiting the city to look at grad school, and then spent time with my sister. Yep, I'm doing it all.

Later that night, I went to a community orchestra concert. That all would have been fine, except my friend Wayne Newton and I got into an uncontrollable giggling fit during the slow movement of a Mozart Symphony. How embarrassing.

Anyway, not much happened this weekend, so we might as well just skip over that. However, I'll be back soon with news of what I did yesterday. Trust me, you'll want to hear all about it.

To make up for my long absence, I'm including a really fun picture from the internet.

Other Updates

2006-10-18T11:28:00.000-04:00

1. Remember over the summer when Apple laptop batteries where overheating and/or catching fire? Well if you don't climb out from the rock you've been living under and join us in the real world. Anyway, my dad called me and told me to check out my laptop battery and see if it needed to be recalled. I didn't really want to deal with that, so I just ignored his directions. Well, earlier this week, I recieved a letter from apple, listing serial numbers of batteries that needed to be recalled. I decided that I'd rather check out my computer than prepare for school, so looked at my battery. It turns out, it does need to be recalled, so I contacted apple, and they are sending me a new battery. My dad's going to be really happy. He loves these kinds of things.

2. I just looked up a doctor named "Robert B. Minor." I really enjoyed that. Get it? B minor? Like the key.

3. I'm starting to get nervous about my big presentation today. I'm not really prepared. Right now, my plan is just to play a lot of music. Enough of that, and I'll only have to talk for about ten minutes.

4. I bought a space heater yesterday. It looks like a fan, and will probably burn down my apartment, but at least I won't be cold anymore. I picked it up between work and school, and was lucky enough to get to take it out with me to Queens, where I go to school. It was raining a lot yesterday, and some crazy guy who worked at my school joked with me that I should take it outside and turn it on. It wasn't very funny, but I laughed awkwardly. I had been talking with a French person, and I don't think he understood what was going on.

How Much Longer?

2006-10-18T10:54:00.000-04:00

How much longer will I work at this job? I don't think the people who work here need me anymore. I came in late this morning, after spending time at Staples getting ready for a presentation I'm giving in school today, and found two of the other workers doing the exact same thing that I'm doing, looking up fax numbers on the intenet. Anyway, I don't feel like the things I'm really needed at the office these days. However, the people who work here are very lazy. It's easy to get addicted to having temps do your work for you.

In sad news, because I was late today, I missed the ritual ordering of breakfast. Yesterday, breakfast was perfect, prompting a congratulatory call. All I can hope is for a strong reaction to today's breakfast, leading to more phone calls and discussions.

Back in the Swing of Things

2006-10-16T11:30:00.000-04:00

Well, I had quite a weekend, and am now back to the daily grind of the office.

My weekend was pretty fun. I saw some people that I hadn't seen in a while, which was nice. Unfortunately, there were so many people who wanted me to come to their events this weekend, and I couldn't do them all. I'm now spending my days racked with horrible guilt. My only solution when I feel bad about not seeing someone is to ignore them for a while, as to avoid explaining why I couldn't hang out. It's not a perfect system, but to be fair, I'm not a perfect person. However, in general the weekend was good, even though I did a couple of things that I probably shouldn't have done. Oh well. That's just par for the course when you're as crazy as I am.

Now that I'm back at work, things aren't so great. The monotony of my job enables me to start thinking about depressing things, and I spend the bulk of the work day feeling sad for myself. Also, people on the phone keep calling me ma'am. For all of you readers who don't know me, I'm not a woman. I really don't think I sound like a woman on the phone.

TGIRR

2006-10-13T15:55:00.000-04:00

It's Friday today, and with no school in the afternoon, I had a full day at work. Not much happened, except that one of my co-workers said how it really must be Friday, because he wasn't totally with it, and hadn't noticed for about three hours that he had a brand new computer moniter. Seriously, everyone was out of it today.

The other highlight of the day was the ordering of the first breakfast after the debacle that was the breakfast of Oct. 12 2006. Not only was the food good today, but the breakfast place called this afternoon to check up on how everything was. I guess all's well that ends well.

A pretty boring day at work. However, I'll be back on Monday, doing more temp work, and having more fun.

Work Today

2006-10-12T12:13:00.000-04:00

Wow. Today's been quite a day at the office. I'm still temping at my friends independant medical research company, and the fun hasn't been stopping.

The big event of the day happened earlier this morning. Certain people in the office always order breakfast from the same place. First of all, there was some lingering confussion from yesterday as to whether or not the bran muffins were in fact fat-free. The breakfast place claimed they were, but this one co-worker of mine had her doubts. I thought that the office had convinced her to trust the muffins yesterday, when we discussed this issue, but I was dead wrong. This co-worker of mine, let's call her "Jan," had to have the person placing the order ask the breakfast place if the fat-free claims were serious, or an elaborate hoax.

Even more importantly, when the food arrived, things were not as they should have been. The person who placed the call found that his muffing was burnt. He had to call the place and let them know what happened. He suggested that perhaps the burnt muffin came from people rushing to get the order out. He instructed them to just slow down and take their time.

Soon after, Jan noticed that her muffin was burnt as well. Another call had to be made to the breakfast place to inform them of this latest development. Well, after that, everyone who ordered food at the office had to be asked to describe their eating experience today, just to be certain that the breakfast place was trying to pull any more fast ones on the good workers at this medical research company.

First Post

2006-10-12T12:09:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone. This is my first post. This will be an irregularly updated blog about my life. Enjoy.